wayfarers_lodge | {Rosethorn} Farewell

OOC This is dedicated to

angelsamael. Thank you for such a beautiful story, and a beautiful character. Thank you for all the fun and the pain and the unspoken luff and things. Thank you for enriching the game so much.

This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory, no happy ending.
This is the way that we love, like its forever.
Then live the rest of our life, but not together...

The connection was gone. The place where her light had dwelled was empty, leaving her hollow and abandoned in the face of the truth- Jo was gone. Changed, dead, subsumed by some darkness or holy glory; whatever had happened, her mentor was beyond her now.

And now she knew why.

It had been a real surprise to see Lucky Sevens on the IRC channel, but Fate was as cruel as she was kind. If anyone knew what had happened to Jo, Lissa would.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life.
Can't get no love without sacrifice.
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well,
mmm, A little bit of heaven with a little bit of hell...

The Silver Ladder's voice was tighter than a bow string as she explained briefly that Jo couldn't pay the price that Anubis had asked, had broken her promise before breaking her Healer's Oath. Now she was working to pay the fee of being oathbroken to the spirit courts, who were not merciful or generous.

"Effectively, she's dead."

More than dead. Claimed by the courts that she had once commanded, chained by agreements older than the human world. Gone.

This is the hardest story that I've ever told-
No hope, no love, no glory, a happy ending gone forever more.
Oh, I feel as if I'm wasted,
And I've wasted everyday...

Rosethorn curled up in her garden, back pressed against her tree, wailing like a child, the pain of months unknowing breaking apart around her. I could have helped her, her heart told her, I could have shouldered the burden. I would have. I should have done something. But the sense in her head said no, no you couldn't. Nothing could be done. She was dead the moment she agreed to that chiminage, and she knew it.

So helplessly, she howled her anger and pain and hate to the uncaring sky. The world was full of ugly, worthless, wasteful people, but still the Fates had seen fit to take her light away. How was that fair? How was any of this fair?

Two o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind.
Can't get no rest, keep walking around.
If I pretend that nothing ever went wrong,
I can get to my sleep, I can think that we just carried on...

"Nature isn't fair, Rosie," Fiacre had once told her, "It doesn't care for what you want, or for your comfort or your heart. Still we perservere, because this is what we MUST do. The world will kick you square in the gonads, my Rosie, but you have to keep going. Tree strong, stone sure. This is what we are."

Now that she knew what had happened, now that there was some closure, she could move forward. She could never forget- some nights she woke and could taste the scent of her teacher in the back of her throat, and even now, she reached for the phone to call the Ranch on Jo's birthday- but she could grow, and not be haunted by the things she didn't know.

She turned, and lay down against the dirt, pressing her face into the bed of herbs that smelled of horses and Arizona's red soil and hard work, tears coursing down her cheeks.

"I love you, Jolene Mitchell. Goodbye."

This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory, no happy ending.

----

From: Rosie Thornbridge
To: The IIA Mailing List
Date: Wednesday, 19 March, 2008

Awakened world,

I've got something to say to all of you. Y'see, I was lazy, and instead of saying to the person I love, I waited too long an' now it's too late. For everyone who didn't know her, i'm sorry for you. Her name was Quetzal, or Jo, an' she was my mentor. I realised tonight that the empty part in me is the space where the tie between us as student and teacher used to be. So now i'll say what I wanted to say to her to the whole world, an' hope that it's enough.

I've seen more bullshit messages than this go over the fucking list, so if you don't like it, fucking keep it to yourself or i'll come over there and fucking rip your balls off.

---

To my dear, beloved Jo,

I want to shout at you. I want to scream and rant and cry. But you don't seem to be in no position to hear it, so i'll stick with just words for now, and save all the other stuff for my own entertainment.

I guess this is finally it. It's been a year since we seen each other, almost as long since we talked. I've tried to get in contact but there's never been any reply, so I don't know what's happened, but I think now i've finally realised that you're actually gone in some way or another.

I can't promise you i'll stay on the straight path, 'cos you know I ain't ever been one to follow paths, but I promise i'll try for you. I just want you to know that I accept that I ain't as good as you, especially now, an' now you ain't here, there's a greater chance i'll fall. But I realise that much now, so I can keep an eye out for my hubris or anything else stupid that I might do.

I won't forget what you taught me, or at least i'll try not to. I'm strivin' to be wiser every day, and when I am, I'mma take a student an' teach them in your name. Again, it ain't so much, but it's what I can do.

I should have told you. I should have told you every day from the moment I met you. But past is past, so this will have to do.

I love you, Jolene Mitchell, and I always have. I would have done anything you asked of me, and even the stuff you would never ask, like dying and stuff. But now, instead of being with you or dying for you, i'll have to live without you, which is even worse.

Wherever you are, whatever's become of you, I hope you sleep well, my angel. Sleep and dream a better dream than all of this Fallen world. Green Man willing, i'll see you again one day or another, an' maybe this time i'll have the balls to do the right thing.

Like day from night,
I'll live my life apart from you, just glimpsing you
across the sky,
For you cannot change, my love,
and nor can I.

All my love,
Helena, but more commonly,
Rosethorn

PS- That Valentine last year? Yeah, that was me. Hence why I asked, y'know, I had to make sure that you got it OK.